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4 going around looking like Ophelia and The Lady of the Camellias rolled into one (a lot of eyeshadow, and I swear that even Mum got worried once or twice about the cough she used to get at these times), she’d begin to recover. First of all she’d be a brave little woman who was going to bury herself in her work (it was a tremendous piece of luck that she had a month just before her ‘A’ levels in between Sammy and Dan) and then, sometimes gradually, sometimes suddenly, it would begin all over again. She’d forget her career and it would be all romance. She had a bottom drawer she put things into when she got something new and pretty. The trouble was, it went through off-seasons like Tossie’s love life, and when she was going to be a career woman she’d take out the new nylon nightie she’d put there for her wedding to John/Martin/ David/Joe, etc. and she’d wear it, enjoying herself, in a way, doing it and suffering. She talked a lot about suffering during this time. She’d get me worried sometimes, thinking that whatever happened to Tossie was, of course, going to happen to me as soon as I was old enough. For me, you see, it was almost like having a crystal ball showing me what my life would be like in a year or so, and though I wanted this business of being in love and going out with boys and everything, I didn’t want to suffer. Or at least, not like Tossie did. I think I’m sounding rather callous about Tossie and her sufferings, but this really isn’t fair. She certainly did suffer. The trouble is that when you share a room with someone who suffers such a lot you sort of get used to it. You even get a bit bored. 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 b) What can you find out about the narrator of the story? What is her role? c) What does Tossie’s behaviour reveal about her character? Reading: A twist a) Read the last part of the story and look for the turning point. 4  I can’t remember now how long Tossie went on like that. It was probably quite a time, because I know that I’d got to that sort of stage myself, where I was wondering all the time when some boy would want to take me out, and feeling sure none of them ever would. So perhaps I didn’t notice so much about Tossie: or it may have been that if something goes on long enough, you don’t notice all at once if it stops. Like a headache. You suddenly realise you haven’t been noticing it for the last quarter of an hour, which means that it’s gone. I suddenly noticed about Tossie that way. Not that she’d gone, but that she was different. I said before how at the beginning of a new boy she’d go quiet; but it never lasted. What I realised this time was that she’d been quiet for ever so long. I would have said it wasn’t natural, only that she didn’t feel unnatural. She was kind of peaceful, and yet it wasn’t peaceful like being asleep. It was more like waiting. Even that’s not quite right, because it wasn’t like waiting for something you’re worried about, not like that feeling that you can’t wait it’s so exciting, like a birthday or a party or a match. More like waiting for something to grow, like mustard and cress on a flannel in a saucer, where you notice each leaf as it comes out, and it almost doesn’t matter when you eat it, because the growing it’s been exciting too. But it wasn’t like Tossie. It wasn’t like her to wait that way. It wasn’t like her not to have to talk about it. I could see she wasn’t unhappy, either. Every night she was out, and every night she’d come in so quietly I never woke up. There wasn’t any sighing and groaning. I couldn’t understand it. It was funny. Different. At last I said to her, “Tossie. What’s going on?” “What’s going on?” she said back. “It isn’t Jamie, is it?” I knew it wasn’t really. Jamie had been weeks back. “Jamie and I broke up seven weeks and two days ago.” I saw then what a long time I’d taken to catch on. And I was interested she’d got it so exact too, Tossie being apt to exaggerate a lot. “What’s up, then, Toss?” She said, “I don’t really know.” Now that was the first time I’d heard my sister Tossie admit she didn’t know what was up. “Is it Barry, Tossie?” Barry was the fellow she’d been going out with lately. “Course it’s Barry.” “Is he crazy about you?” This time, when she said, “I don’t know,” again, she really shook me. I’d been a bit drowsy before, but that really woke me up with a jolt. “But Tossie, you must know. You’ve been in love before.” “I’m not sure I have,” she said. I thought about this. “What does it feel like, then?” I asked. She said, “Barb, it’s different.” “Well, do you love him?” I asked. “He’s not the sort of boy I generally go for,” she said. 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 56 Adolescence Nur zu Prüfzwecken – Eigentum des Verlags öbv