way2go! 7. Coursebook, Schulbuch

34 Unit 02 | It’s all relative The diagram on the right shows the four-sides model of interpersonal communication according to F. Schulz von Thun. Work with a partner to interpret the diagram and express its message in your own words. SPEAKING 31 I hear you (not?) Message Receiver Sender Factual information Relationship Appeal What do I want you to do? What do I reveal about myself? What do I inform about? How do we interrelate? Self-revelation Read the article about this model of communication. Complete the sentences (1–7) using a maximum of four words. Write your answers in the spaces provided. The first one (0) has been done for you. READING 32 M p. 15 Lend me your ears If you’re asked how many tongues or pairs of ears you have, you’ll doubtless answer, “One,” but not according to Friedemann Schulz von Thun, a German psychologist. His ‘four- sides model of interpersonal communication’ suggests that we have four different ‘tongues’ and ‘ears’ as ways of transmitting and receiving messages. Schulz von Thun’s overall message is, if you’re speaking, you should anticipate possible misinterpretations and explicitly say what you do and don’t mean. Equally, if you’re listening, before being hurt and getting all defensive straight away, you should ask how something was meant. According to Schulz von Thun, the speaker sends a message which has four different aspects: the self-revelation (what I’m saying about myself), the facts (what happened, matter-of-fact information), the relationship (what I think of the other person) and the appeal (what I want the listener to do, or not do). The listener hears with four different ears, also related to the four aspects of the message: the self-revelation (what is the speaker showing of themselves?), the facts (what do I know or need to know?), the relationship (what does the speaker think of me?) and the appeal (what is the speaker asking me to do, or not do?). When all is good and the conversation flows, there is a balance between the four aspects and the speaker/listener roles swing back and forth. Both sides are sensitive to what they are saying and what they are hearing. Problems occur when the speaker and listener emphasise different (mismatching) sides of the model, when there are too many implicit (hidden) messages, when the speaker and listener are not sensitive to each other and which side the other is emphasising. Explicit messages are openly expressed, whereas implicit ones are hidden. The classic example Schulz von Thun uses is a car passenger telling the driver that “the traffic light is green” while waiting at a junction: Factual information: The green light is on. Self-revelation: I want to get going. Relationship: You need my help. Appeal: Go! So, how can we avoid misunderstandings in a conversation? When we say something, we should try to be clear about what it is that we want to say and try to avoid too many implicit messages. This makes it easier for the receiver to identify which side of the square you are coming from. That includes body language and facial expressions that match your message so as not to confuse the listener. As the speaker you can prepare the listener for your message by clarifying, for example, saying, “My personal feeling about this is …” or “I want to express my standpoint …” when you want to emphasise self-revelation. If you want something from someone, try to say it explicitly: “I need your help with …” instead of “I have to do this project all by myself”. If you see that the listener hasn’t picked up the message you have sent – and often this shows itself with annoyance with the relationship ear –, go to the emotional level and try to Nur zu Prüfzweck n – Eigentum des Verlags öbv